The Program: General Advice
Congratulations on making it this far! I'm going to give you
some general advice, then you can try to figure out
First things first, the harsh reality is that if you're not
getting dates is probably your fault to some degree. What you
may find attractive may not be what most men find attractive.
What Men Want
Most NiceGuys (or Nice Men) are looking for someone reasonably
attractive, intelligent, and good-hearted who makes us feel
good about ourselves. There are details and exceptions, but
those seem to be the basics for most men. Going down the list:
Men, like most women, are visual creatures. If we see someone
attractive, we find them to be, well, attractive. If
you're not, we don't. While some people are just not that attractive
physically, but most people have room for improvement. Whether
it's losing weight, gaining weight (in some cases), a new haircut
or improved wardrobe, you can probably look better.
You can't change your base intelligence level and nobody likes
a "know-it-all," but most men want someone on their
intellectual level. Sex is great, but what are you going to do
the rest of the time?
- Personality and Attitude
If you're bitter over your last boyfriend, hate your job, and
want to strangle your family, you should probably avoid dating.
When most men are asked what they're looking for in a woman,
"assertive" isn't usually at the top of the list, but
"nice" is ususually fairly close
You do the math.
- Good for the ego
Do you want to date a guy who makes you feel bad about yourself
or who obviously doesn't respect you? Or would you prefer to date
someone who thinks you're wonderful? Same for guys.
Find out what others think about you
Another thing you should do is get the opinions of your peers.
Including the male ones. Have them tell you what they see as
your strengths and weaknesses. You may have to work to get an
honest answer, but make it very clear that you need the truth
no matter how much it might hurt (and it can) in the short run.
Don't forget to check out
that men wish women knew.
If you get responses to your question about "What do other
people think about me?" that cause you to say to yourself
"That is just the way I am," then you need to ask yourself
"Is that the way I want to be?" If the answer to
the second one is "No," then figure out (or ask for help) to
change this about yourself.