General Advice
Your Problem

Problem Types
Type I
Type II
Type III
Type IV
Type V
Type VI

The Program: General Advice

Congratulations on making it this far! I'm going to give you some general advice, then you can try to figure out Your Problem.

First things first, the harsh reality is that if you're not getting dates is probably your fault to some degree. What you may find attractive may not be what most men find attractive.

What Men Want
Most NiceGuys (or Nice Men) are looking for someone reasonably attractive, intelligent, and good-hearted who makes us feel good about ourselves. There are details and exceptions, but those seem to be the basics for most men. Going down the list:

  • Appearance
    Men, like most women, are visual creatures. If we see someone attractive, we find them to be, well, attractive. If you're not, we don't. While some people are just not that attractive physically, but most people have room for improvement. Whether it's losing weight, gaining weight (in some cases), a new haircut or improved wardrobe, you can probably look better.

  • Intelligence
    You can't change your base intelligence level and nobody likes a "know-it-all," but most men want someone on their intellectual level. Sex is great, but what are you going to do the rest of the time?

  • Personality and Attitude
    If you're bitter over your last boyfriend, hate your job, and want to strangle your family, you should probably avoid dating. When most men are asked what they're looking for in a woman, "assertive" isn't usually at the top of the list, but "nice" is ususually fairly close

    You do the math.

  • Good for the ego
    Do you want to date a guy who makes you feel bad about yourself or who obviously doesn't respect you? Or would you prefer to date someone who thinks you're wonderful? Same for guys.

Find out what others think about you
Another thing you should do is get the opinions of your peers. Including the male ones. Have them tell you what they see as your strengths and weaknesses. You may have to work to get an honest answer, but make it very clear that you need the truth no matter how much it might hurt (and it can) in the short run.

Be yourself
If you get responses to your question about "What do other people think about me?" that cause you to say to yourself "That is just the way I am," then you need to ask yourself "Is that the way I want to be?" If the answer to the second one is "No," then figure out (or ask for help) to change this about yourself.

Don't forget to check out Things that men wish women knew.

Okay, What Is My Problem


All materials © Copyright 2007 - Clint Zehner
If you are interested in reprinting any of the materials on this site, please contact me.

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