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The Program: Solutions

You can get dates no problem, but the guys turn into jerks

There are two possibilities here:

  1. They weren't Nice Guys to begin with or
  2. They were Nice Guys but changed.

Jerks In Disguise (JIDs)

These guys screw things up for men and women alike. The JID plays the NiceGuy card until he gets what he wants (usually sex), then shows his true colors. There are a number of ways of recognizing these men. First off is the waiter test:

"Watch how he treats the waiter or waitress. That's exactly how he's going to be treating you in 6 months."

On this topic, check out our articles:

Former Nice Guys

As I mention in The Benefit of the Doubt, most men don't "change" and when they do, it's normally not for the better.

Many men are passive and strong believers in the idea of status quo. Once they have done what it takes to get the woman interested in them and have been dating a while, it's extremely easy to go on auto-pilot and take her for granted. As a friend of mine said:

...a lot of the nice guys/men I've dated get really lazy by the second or third date (hence not making it to the fourth). They think that since the courtship is over and they "have" the girl that they can slack off. Keep the courtship/romance alive. Women die for that stuff. Although [I'm a modern woman] and I am in a male dominated field, I still wouldn't mind a little creativity on his side.

In this instance, your options are pretty limited — either you can talk to him and, if he understands he can choose to change his behavior.

Or you can dump him.

Finally, I am not making excuses for the behavior of men, but some women sabatoge relationships by doing whatever it takes to get the man to treat them the way they subconciously want (or expect) to be treated. I dated one woman who, because of low self-esteem, went out of her way to "find my buttons" and push them so I would get irritated with her. I finally broke up with her because I really disliked who I was when I was around her.

If this is the case, then you're probably going to need to work with a therapist.



All materials © Copyright 2007 - Clint Zehner
If you are interested in reprinting any of the materials on this site, please contact me.

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