The Program: Solutions

You don't meet any men you're interested in

There are a number of reasons why you may not be meeting men you're interested in:

• You're not getting out enough.
• You're going to the wrong places when you go out.
• You don't have "common" (popular) interests.
• You're being too picky.
• You may be clinically depressed.

You're not getting out enough.

One of the most common reasons for not meeting men that you're interested in is that you're not getting out enough. If this is the case, see the page on I'm not meeting any men.

You're going to the wrong places when you go out.

Another common reason is that you're going to the wrong places. What makes you think that you're going to meet a NiceGuy™ in a bar or club? There are NiceGuys in bars and clubs and many of them are looking for nicegirls, but you probably won't even notice them unless you look for the guys looking rather uncomfortable.

Try going to places where you don't have to fight your way through their defenses. If you're religious, try your church or temple...many of them have events just for singles including dances and reading groups. Go ballroom dancing. Attempt to go where the men are.

Another option is to ask your friends to try to fix you up...but make sure to talk to him on the phone first and set up the date. Just be careful, some of your friends may have no taste.

You don't have "common" (popular) interests.

Knitting is great. So is yoga. So are any number of things, but they may not be the best topics of discussion for most men. Some straight men don't mind listing to you talk about the various types of seams you can do with your new sewing machine (and certain men will be more than happy to listen to you talk about your flexibility in Yoga class), but it's going to be a limited subset of the decent guys out there.

Develop other topics to talk about: ask your NiceGuy friends what are their favorite topics and see which ones work for you. With a positive attitude almost any subject can be interesting.

Okay, maybe not accounting, but other than that...

Go where the NiceGuys are. Whatever works for you.

You're being too picky.

There's a special circle of Hell for the person who first came up with the myth of Prince Charming. Looking at a guy as Prince Charming is the female equivelent of a guy looking for a Playboy Centerfold. Real men have have bad breath when they wake up in the morning — just like you.

Something to ask yourself: Are you really that good? It's easy to waste the rest of your life looking for "Mr. Right," but you're probably not going to find him and, unless you're Ms. Perfect, he probably won't be interested.

Be realistic. And understand that there are trade-offs in life. It's very difficult to find a rich, gorgeous enviornmentalist who has lots of time to devote to you. Many of the truly rich men are workaholics and won't have much time for you. Many of the caring, gentle guys don't have the assertiveness to get ahead in business and end up making much less money than they should. Many of the really good-looking men are shallow.

Sit back and think for a while about what you're looking for in a NiceGuy.

You may be clinically depressed.

How are things with the rest of your life? Depression is more than just "feeling bad after a tough day" it's a chronic illness which can usually be controlled with medication and/or therapy.

Send me your ideas for things that you find have helped.