The Program: Solutions
You don't meet any men you're interested in
There are a number of reasons why you may not be meeting men
you're interested in:
- You're not getting out enough.
- You're going to the wrong places when you go out.
- You don't have "common" (popular) interests.
- You're being too picky.
- You may be clinically depressed.
You're not getting out enough.
One of the most common reasons for not meeting men that you're
interested in is that you're not getting out enough. If this
is the case, see the page on I'm not
meeting any men.
You're going to the wrong places when you go out.
Another common reason is that you're going to the wrong places.
What makes you think that you're going to meet a NiceGuy
in a bar or club? There are NiceGuys in bars and clubs and many
of them are looking for nicegirls, but you probably won't
even notice them unless you look for the guys looking rather
Try going to places where you don't have to fight your way through
their defenses. If you're religious, try your church or temple...many
of them have events just for singles including dances and reading
groups. Go ballroom dancing. Attempt to go where the men are.
Another option is to ask your friends to try to fix you up...but
make sure to talk to him on the phone first and set up the date.
Just be careful, some of your friends may have no taste.
You don't have "common" (popular) interests.
Knitting is great. So is yoga. So are any number of things, but
they may not be the best topics of discussion for most men. Some
straight men don't mind listing to you talk about the various
types of seams you can do with your new sewing machine (and
certain men will be more than happy to listen to you talk about
your flexibility in Yoga class), but it's going to be a limited
subset of the decent guys out there.
Develop other topics to talk about: ask your NiceGuy friends
what are their favorite topics and see which ones work for you.
With a positive attitude almost any subject can be interesting.
Okay, maybe not accounting, but other than that...
Go where the NiceGuys are. Whatever works for you.
You're being too picky.
There's a special circle of Hell for the person who first came
up with the myth of Prince Charming. Looking at a guy as Prince
Charming is the female equivelent of a guy looking for a Playboy
Centerfold. Real men have have bad breath when they wake up in the
morning just like you.
Something to ask yourself: Are you really that good?
It's easy to waste the rest of your life looking for "Mr.
Right," but you're probably not going to find him and,
unless you're Ms. Perfect, he probably won't be interested.
Be realistic. And understand that there are trade-offs in life.
It's very difficult to find a rich, gorgeous enviornmentalist
who has lots of time to devote to you. Many of the truly rich
men are workaholics and won't have much time for you. Many of
the caring, gentle guys don't have the assertiveness to get ahead
in business and end up making much less money than they should.
Many of the really good-looking men are shallow.
Sit back and think for a while about what you're looking for
in a NiceGuy.
You may be clinically depressed.
How are things with the rest of your life? Depression is
more than just "feeling bad after a tough day"
it's a chronic illness which can usually be controlled with
medication and/or therapy.
Send me your ideas for
things that you find have helped.