The Program: Solutions
You meet men that you're interested in, they're interested
in you, but they end up thinking of you as "a great,
If you're making it to the third or fourth date, it's possible
that you're doing everything right you just haven't found the
right person for you. Yet.
I had an email discussion with a NiceGirl friend of
mine on the subject:
Let's say each person finds about 10% of the opposite
sex population "interesting." That seems to
me to be about the average degree of pickiness. This
would mean that if you are in a group of 100 men and
100 women (all heterosexual, one assumes), 10 will be
interested in you, you will be interested in 10, and
you will find mutual interest with only one.
Some people recommend upping your chances by seeking out
people with similar interests. Others, such as John Gray,
recommend seeking out someone different from you because
they believe opposites attract. But I think that chemistry
is so unpredictable that it might as well be random.
Also, beyond basic health, hygiene, and respect for others,
anything you do to make yourself more attractive could
irritate some people. Believe it or not, I've actually
been turned off by men who seemed too handsome, too smooth,
too well-dressed, or too financially successful (I like men
who are more relaxed and balanced). And some men have been
turned off by what I feel are some of my best qualities.
And then there's the issue of communicating interest and
sensing interest from others. There's much potential for
misunderstanding. It can be pretty darned confusing.
Another possibility is that the guy is thinking of you as a
friend because you're not "putting out" at all. I'm
not talking sex (though that would count) but just any behavior
that is not merely "friendly." Even hugs that last too
For some guys.
At the risk of generalizing, in many cases, women are better
"integrated" and balanced than men. Women have
spectrums, men have compartments. Women talk about "ecru"
and "seafoam" while men see the world around them in
16 colors like the old Windows default.
Women have men they're sort of dating. Men have women friends and
women who are girlfriends. If you're not a girlfriend, then you're
just a friend.
If you're not making it to the first date, check out
"But I don't think of you